Live life under pressure

I am so tired of this life i live in.

My teacher always supports me at school
well, that's a good thing actually, but i feel like she is doing it too much and i am so sick and tired of it.

She pushes me to do all of my extra homework. She believes in me , that i must succeed because i'm a great student, that the clever one and i can be successful young ladies in the future.

Yea, maybe the truth is i can..
But, the thing is,

i feel like dying inside.

Even 'successful young ladies in the future' doesn't intrigue me anymore.

Ohhh please, all i want is just a simple rest and have a little fun!

So if there is a slight chance for me to take a quick rest, i'll cherish it dearly.

But sadly, my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand me.

I try to explain my feelings, but he doesn't want to listen.

He said i didn't care about him, i wasn't in love with him anymore and he always asked why didn't i have time to be with him?
I should always be there for him, i should've been there during his baseball match.

Which i can't because i have lots of stuff to do.

I can't..
Not because i don't want to.

Hahaha what am i feeling right now?? It hurts.

Okay maybe i can share my condition with my dad.

When my dad finally got home after his work, I said "hi dad" to welcome him.
He sat here beside me, but instead of listening to my condition, he shares his without giving me a chance to share mine.

The worst is, he starts saying things like my teacher.

He said i should study harder and harder so that i can help my own future.

Again, i'm tired.
I need someonee.. just someone, to help my feeling.

Now, all of their words stuck in my mind. So loud in the way that i can't control it.

Arghhhhh!

What if i'm gone?

What if i'm not in this world again?

My teacher can find another student which is better than me.

So as my boyfriend will find another girlfriend who can always be there for him all the time.

And my father? He can adopt another person which is more hard working than me.

Someone who will be a proud man for everyone.

Someone to replace me and maybe a much better person than me.

Yea it's true.

Maybe it's time for me to go away from their life.

Because I don't want to dissapoint them.

It hurts if i have to go, but i have to.

I was about to kill myself but something distrubs me. I felt someone's hand on my right shoulder. When i look up to see who it was, i saw my father
He showed me his most loving face and he said "Dear, stay with papa, because you can never be replaced by anyone. Papa is so proud to have you in this life.. Have you forgotten the day you made those ladies jealous of me?because i have you?.."

My dad is a father that never fails to make his daughter laugh

And then his face turned serious, again, "..Sorry if you feel like i am forcing you, but honestly all i want is for you to be happy. And i don't want to be the dad that makes you regret in the future because i failed to guide you as a parent"

I smiled.
I know he is just a busy parent who wants the best for his only daughter..

Then, i saw another hand on my left shoulder, it was my boyfriend, he showed me his guilty face, and it made me laugh because he really looked like an idiot, but i love him, he is of the most person i really want to see right now

"Hey shania," he said
And all i can do to respond is just smiling because i miss him so much.

"It's okay if you can't come to my baseball match, i was disappointed, but losing you would be much worse.
Well shan, I know im a selfish person, thank you for reminding me, next time,.."

He took one of my hands and put it on his face saying, "..., whenever you see that i'm still that person who doesn't want to listen to you, just slap me as hard as you can right here."

I was touched. I knew i love him for a reason.

A pair of feet stood in front of me. It was my teacher. She helped me to stand up and said
"I'm sorry because i didn't pay enough attention to your personal life, and i'm sorry i put too much pressure on you asking you to do your homework that you didn't have enough time to live your own life.. i am so sorry, i didn't realize this earlier shan.. i never thought that you are doing your extra homework by neglecting your other activities, even you forgot to have fun.. seriously, shan? You can share with me any difficulties you are facing, because i'm here ready to listen and ready to be your problem solving machine. I'm ready to fight by your side.."

She hugged me
"..But, you know what? I'm so proud of you, You have become the student that i'm proud of and you're very special, you're irreplaceable . So please, don't you ever think you can be replaced by someone else again.