Writing while waiting..

Light blue.
Is the color of the sky right now.

Oh wait, i am not directly sitting under the sky..
To be more specific, i am here under the 79 yellow fairy lights --i counted it-- with the sound of 90s Indonesian song playing at the back of my head or maybe at the back of my whole body --the speaker is right on my back--

Yes here, I'm doing nothing except writing while waiting..

Let's let both of my eyes do its' favor to pay attention to everything i see..

• Three mosquitos flying around my legs --i killed one anyway--
• Lava lamps changing color every three seconds

Okay great.. now my throat feel a lil bit (three)sty --i'd be very dissapoint if you didn't get the joke😹--

Dark blue.
Is the color of the sky right now.

And i'm still sitting here alone broooo
Where are youuu???
Am i wasting my time too much on writing while waiting for your appearance?

Am i?

Hey you, readerssss would you like to tell me something about me?

Black.
Is the color of the sky right now.

Live life under pressure

I am so tired of this life i live in.

My teacher always supports me at school
well, that's a good thing actually, but i feel like she is doing it too much and i am so sick and tired of it.

She pushes me to do all of my extra homework. She believes in me , that i must succeed because i'm a great student, that the clever one and i can be successful young ladies in the future.

Yea, maybe the truth is i can..
But, the thing is,

i feel like dying inside.

Even 'successful young ladies in the future' doesn't intrigue me anymore.

Ohhh please, all i want is just a simple rest and have a little fun!

So if there is a slight chance for me to take a quick rest, i'll cherish it dearly.

But sadly, my boyfriend doesn't seem to understand me.

I try to explain my feelings, but he doesn't want to listen.

He said i didn't care about him, i wasn't in love with him anymore and he always asked why didn't i have time to be with him?
I should always be there for him, i should've been there during his baseball match.

Which i can't because i have lots of stuff to do.

I can't..
Not because i don't want to.

Hahaha what am i feeling right now?? It hurts.

Okay maybe i can share my condition with my dad.

When my dad finally got home after his work, I said "hi dad" to welcome him.
He sat here beside me, but instead of listening to my condition, he shares his without giving me a chance to share mine.

The worst is, he starts saying things like my teacher.

He said i should study harder and harder so that i can help my own future.

Again, i'm tired.
I need someonee.. just someone, to help my feeling.

Now, all of their words stuck in my mind. So loud in the way that i can't control it.

Arghhhhh!

What if i'm gone?

What if i'm not in this world again?

My teacher can find another student which is better than me.

So as my boyfriend will find another girlfriend who can always be there for him all the time.

And my father? He can adopt another person which is more hard working than me.

Someone who will be a proud man for everyone.

Someone to replace me and maybe a much better person than me.

Yea it's true.

Maybe it's time for me to go away from their life.

Because I don't want to dissapoint them.

It hurts if i have to go, but i have to.

I was about to kill myself but something distrubs me. I felt someone's hand on my right shoulder. When i look up to see who it was, i saw my father
He showed me his most loving face and he said "Dear, stay with papa, because you can never be replaced by anyone. Papa is so proud to have you in this life.. Have you forgotten the day you made those ladies jealous of me?because i have you?.."

My dad is a father that never fails to make his daughter laugh

And then his face turned serious, again, "..Sorry if you feel like i am forcing you, but honestly all i want is for you to be happy. And i don't want to be the dad that makes you regret in the future because i failed to guide you as a parent"

I smiled.
I know he is just a busy parent who wants the best for his only daughter..

Then, i saw another hand on my left shoulder, it was my boyfriend, he showed me his guilty face, and it made me laugh because he really looked like an idiot, but i love him, he is of the most person i really want to see right now

"Hey shania," he said
And all i can do to respond is just smiling because i miss him so much.

"It's okay if you can't come to my baseball match, i was disappointed, but losing you would be much worse.
Well shan, I know im a selfish person, thank you for reminding me, next time,.."

He took one of my hands and put it on his face saying, "..., whenever you see that i'm still that person who doesn't want to listen to you, just slap me as hard as you can right here."

I was touched. I knew i love him for a reason.

A pair of feet stood in front of me. It was my teacher. She helped me to stand up and said
"I'm sorry because i didn't pay enough attention to your personal life, and i'm sorry i put too much pressure on you asking you to do your homework that you didn't have enough time to live your own life.. i am so sorry, i didn't realize this earlier shan.. i never thought that you are doing your extra homework by neglecting your other activities, even you forgot to have fun.. seriously, shan? You can share with me any difficulties you are facing, because i'm here ready to listen and ready to be your problem solving machine. I'm ready to fight by your side.."

She hugged me
"..But, you know what? I'm so proud of you, You have become the student that i'm proud of and you're very special, you're irreplaceable . So please, don't you ever think you can be replaced by someone else again.

Both sides of Family

I have this both sides of family.

First, i have this side that always bring me to Taipan, the Duck King, Paradise Dynasty, Sushi Tei.

Second, i have this side that always bring me to Kwetiau Ateng, Bakmi Akun, Rumah Makan Ana, Restoran Sedap Jemari.

Yesss it's true that my Mom's family has different taste with my Dad's

Sometimes i wonder how did they combine both sides taste in their wedding.

But hey, this is it!
This is the way how my family works
The way my sister and i finally be a person who can eat most of the kind of human food on this beloved blue planet.

I like it.
I love the way God put me in this family.

P.s Restoran Sedap Jemari is thr best of all time!

A lil letter for my Future Husband

I never knew when is the time i will finally meet you. All i can do for now is just praying, praying and praying.

Further more, i want to be prepared.
I want you to recognize me from the first we met and i want you to be proud of yourself because you have me.


20 August 2017.

17 Augustus 2017

It's me under the fluttering red and white.

You saw me standing here. Alone. In the middle of the field.

You with your nice dressed costume come near to me and whispering something "ness, do you know he is here?"

Me with all of my confusion "yes i do! I've been looking for himm.." i fixed my eyes to yours "now, where is he?"

And yes. You told me where he was and watch me moving foward right to his place.

This moment is a kind of nice. At least i feel so.

Malam Berhujan di Dalam Mobil

Malam itu adalah malam yang membuat pemikiran aku yang agak sempit tambah luas 1cm. *smoga bukan 1mm*😅

Aku gadis 17 tahun yang masih bimbang dengan masa depan mana yang akan ku pilih untuk ku jalani.

Malam itu.. aku merasa sepertinya aku tidak harus pindah kota untuk mengejar ilmu.

Yang akan ku katakan selanjutnya ini sangat mencanggungkan.. jikalau kamu sebagai pembaca yang agak jijikan.. aku saranin kamu untuk tidak usah dibaca..

Aku merasa kota yang sedang kutinggali ini membutuhkan ku.

Namun sekarang, apa yang harus ku lakukan dengan perasaan ini? Diam saja?

Ohya, waktu itu, di sore hari, ketika aku sedang berjalan pulang dari tempat les, terjadi hujan tipis berangin yang lumayan kencang.. langit berwarna kelabu yang dikuasai oleh si petir dan kawan kawannya yang rebutan giliran untuk show off. Bahkan sampai pohon pohon pun tidak mau kalah ikutan show off dengan menari-nari bergaya ala hawaii bergoyang kekiri kekanan dengan dedaunan yang dijadikan seperti pom-pomnya.😑

Aku yang sedang berjalan hujan-hujanan menuju rumah pun berpikir untuk berhenti sejenak diam berdiri di atas trotoar.

Aku menarik nafas dalam *yang sepertinya 60% yang ku hisap adalah air*

Aku merasakan suasananya yang agak ngeri kayak di film horor gitu.. *jangan bayangkan percyjackson.. karna percyjackson bukan horor*

Lalu ketika sebuah alphard kuning tidak berpintu yang sepertinya sedang berusaha menangkal tetes air hujan sebelum jatuh ke lantai itu lewat, beruntung saja aku tidak terhempas air becek cipratan alphard kuning tidak berpintu itu. Andaikan saja aku terciprat, takkan pernah ku puji mobilnya dengan sebutan alphard lagi.

Namun bukan itu intinya.

Intinya, pada saat itu
Aku sadar jika aku hanya diam saja dan tidak melakukan apa apa, bumi ini masih tetap berjalan.

Jadi sekarang, apa yang harus ku lakukan dengan perasaan ini? Do something.

And if i am clueless with what am i suppose to do, i will just do whatever it is as long as it is right. At least i do something hahaha! Okay goodnight!

I've Watched 13 Reasons Why

Hei, it's Vanessa, Vanessa Fayola. Live and in Blog.

Hahahaha

I've watched 13 Reasons Why and it's so WOW

No doubt, 13 Reasons Why is a good movie.

A good movie(n);
contains good lesson like 'moral' message that you can apply in your life.

Here is 13 things about TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY.

1. Hannah Baker's tapes box is from Lower East Side shoes box.

2. There is a rape in this movie. Well, let's be a wiser teenager.

3. This movie is teaching us 'not to think too much' because when you think too much, a small problem can be very loud. So don't.

4. After i watched this movie, i learn to think twice before i throw my jokes at people. Yea b/c sensitive people are exist.. you never know what's inside people's mind. Oh common you're not an Edward Cullen😅

5. Just be true to who you are. That's why we love Clay.

6. You can't be forever perfect and blaming people for what you've done. That's why we hate Courtney.

7. Try to take a responsibility for whatever you've done. That's why we love Alex.

8. Don't just hide behind people's shadow and try on so much effort to tell the lies Dude! B/c truth will always reveals by its' own. *porking Jessica

9. Respect everyone! Eveyone no excuse.

10. Take more care of each others. 

11. Parents know best. Well, it doesn't has to be your real parents.. maybe it can be your friend's parents or grandma from your fav grocery store? Your fav teacher at school? Your priest at church? You don't know when people are concerning about you. There must be at least someone who waits until the right time to talk to you.

12. Forgive. Forgive. Forgive. You can't live happily ever after without forgiving people's mistakes. Revenge won't end the war. You must let go of them and live your own brand new life. You know what? When you forgiving people, your own mistakes will be forgiven too. If you can't do it for people, do it for yourself.

13. SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER. No matter how hard it is. There is always an answer. Your brighter future is only 5cm in front of your eyes. YOU CAN SURVIVE UNTIL NOW. IT MEANS YOU CAN SURVIVE TIL THE END!


REMEMBER GOD ALWAYS BY OUR SIDE NO MATTER HOW MUCH SINS WE HAVE MADE. I'M LITTERALLY SO PROUD OF HIM. BECAUSE OF HIS GRACE THAT GIVES ME LIFE. Love Him so much.

(You can find the best definition of love in 1Corinthians13💕 i myself in love with this chapter)

✌Well, leave something on the comment section below if you have any question to ask or you think this blog is good hahahaa!

Good Blog(n);
contains good lesson like 'moral' message that you can apply in your life.

Diary of a Wimpy(?) Kid

Wednesday, 14 June 2017 is separated into parts.

[Using bahasa please]
[Okeh.]

1. Hari ini pertama kalinya aku masuk ke tempat kuliahan di Medan. Keren banget. Aku ke Universitas Prima Indonesia (UNPRI) sebagai bahan percobaannya temen. Bukan kayak yang ngeri" lhoya.

Aku jadi kayak seorang anak yang mau tes kepribadiannya sama seorang physicology (physicology nya itu temenaku sendiri). Jadi disana itu aku disuruh buat cerita sebelum, sedang terjadi, masa depan dari 20 gambar yang dia tunjukkin.

Aku hanyalah bahan percobaan yang duduk bahagia bebas bercerita. Jujur aja ya, aku bahagia banget engga tau kenapa, rasanya kayak, ini cerita ku, ini dunia ku, terserah aku mau ngapain HAHAHAHAHA!

2. Udah lama banget sejak terakhir kali aku termotivasi. Hari ini aku termotivasi banget.

Gini lho, vanes itu harus lebih banyak lagi baca buku rahasia kehidupan (Alkitab) supaya vanes bisa buka setiap gembok dari rantai-rantai besi yang mengikat vanes.. ohya bukan cuman buat buka rantai besinya vanes, kalo bisa, vanes juga mau bantu buka gembok dari rantai-rantai besi yang mengikat keluarga maupun temen-temen vanes.

HARUS LEBIH BANYAK HABISIN WAKTU KE BUKU RAHASIA KEHIDUPAN.

3. Jadi neneknya aku itu suka banget nonton film sinetron Indonesia yang judulnya "Anak Langit". Dan aku itu paling gak suka sama film sinetron Indonesia. Bukannya karna filmnya jelek ya, tapi mungkin bukan seleranya aku aja. Jadi aku itu bilang sama nenekku kalau film sinetron ini tuh gak bagus, mungkin seIndonesia yang nonton sinetron ini tuh cuman nai-nai.

Akhirnya tibalah hari ini. Aku sama Trisha (kakak perempuan aku) pergi ke toko roti langganan keluarga, dan pas lagi beli roti, tiba-tiba kedengeran suara intro nya film itu. Aku kaget banget. Aku termenung. Aku stop. Takut salah denger. Seriusan. Aku lagi milih roti kan, trus aku jadi berhenti.. aku gak bisa milih.. aku ngakak banget tapi dalam hati (karna ini tempat umum)

Trus ternyata yang kedengeran intro itu bukan cuman aku aja, Trisha juga dnger suara intro itu. Habis itu aku bilang sama Trisha kalau dia aja yang pilih rotinya. Aku masih kaget.

Coba bayangin deh baru kemarin aja aku bilang seIndonesia yang nonton film itu cuman nenek aku. Keesokan harinya ke toko roti langganan, yang pemiliknya juga seorang nenek-nenek, dan sama-sama nonton film itu juga. Luar biasa memang.

The Invisible Thiefs

You know what hate?

I literally hate hate hate the invisible thiefs.

Well actually they are not invisible at all. Everyone can see them. They are exist. They are real.

The problem is, we don't have any power to know which one of them is the invisible thief. We can not just blame everyone. In this world, we have to prove first, before we blame others.

Yesterday, my friend's phone was stolen. The moment when i heard the news, i decided to find the office boy, which has the biggest chances to steal the phone. And when i first talk to the one of them, i was so sure that she is the one who took the phone.

But when she brought me to meet the other office boys,  girl with a veil on her head makes me believe in her so much. Idk, my heart was telling me that she wasn't the thief and then when i trust one them, my head went blank. I suddently believe in all of them.

I know when one of them offer me a chance to rummage i should've done it. The truth is i'm too stupid not to done it.

This kind of thing just making me hating myself.
I should've done it.
I should've brought the girl with a veil on her head to helped me through the rummage and let others just wait on the other room.

Oh my gosh this is soo gross. I hate myself for being so naive.

If someday you might experience this kind of situatioan, make sure you suspect everyone as the thief.

Kenal banyak jenis manusia.

Aku itu, punya resolusi untuk travelling Medan and meet new people.

Dan dalam dua hari ini, 26 dan 27 maret 2017 aku ketemu banyak banget orang yg berkesan.

Sebenarnya, di dunia ini ada banyakkkkkk bangett nget ngett jenis-jenis manusia dan aku juga pengen bangett untuk kenal semuanyaa (which is impossible)

Tpi Aku bahagia, setidaknya aku bisa dikasih kesempatan untuk jadi orang yang lebih aware sama dunia sebenarnya. Yang engga liat hidup itu cuman dari layar dan yang engga terlalu gengsi untuk kenalan sama orang baru.

P.s. ada banyak banget cara kenalan sama orang. Engga harus selalu karna tabrakan kayak di sinetron" gitu dan juga ga harus maksa. Jadi biarinin waktu yang buat kalian saling kenal.